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Lose Weight With Pepsi Special - Honest

As reality and sanity fade further into the rear view mirror, Pepsi has announced the launch of a new drink in Japan that is being billed as a ‘fat blocking soda’. Yes – that’s right – from now on, the trendy and the gullible will have yet another consumer product to call their very own. Not only are soft drinks no longer bad for you in the parallel dimension of the marketing department, but they are actually good for you. No wonder it is imaginatively called ‘Pepsi Special’

Marketing this elixir in a curvy, voluptuous bottle reminiscent of Virgin Cola’s extremely tasteful experiment with bottles shaped like Pamela Anderson, one cannot help but notice the waistline has strayed from the usual anorexia employed by designers emulating the female form. Could this possibly be a hint that we could all do with losing a few calories by launching headlong into ‘The Pepsi Diet’?

The er.. science behind this miracle goes a little something like this. According to Suntory, the sole distributor of Pepsi in Japan, the drink contains ‘indigestible dextrin’ known to us mere mortals as dietary fibre. This alchemical ingredient, Suntory’s website claims, helps reduce the amount of fat that’s absorbed into the body.” Suntory also suggests that the drink restrains the rise in triglycerides in the blood that normally follows a meal.

For those wondering about the Japanese equivalent of the Trades Descriptions Act and whether the British Tourist Board could get away with marketing Wales there as a tropical paradise, we bring you this startling news. The drink carries the government approved FOSHU symbol indicating that it contains an “ingredient with functions for health and (that it is) officially approved to claim its physiological effects on the human body.” Pina Coladas all round in Aberystwyth then.

Meanwhile the TV arm of Pepsi has outdone itself. The ad for Pepsi Special features a businessman trying to choose between a woman in a pizza costume and another in a burger outfit. Don’t forget kids – not only can you have it all with Pepsi Special – but women are like fast food only more amusing.

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